The Night Before 49: A Mom's Musings on Growing Up, Growing Older, and Growing Back Into Myself

On the eve of my 49th birthday, I find myself doing what moms do best at the quiet end of a long day—reflecting. Not on the to-do list or the laundry or the fact that I’m definitely going to forget to take the chicken out of the freezer again tomorrow—but on life. On the years that somehow slipped by between jelly shoes and joint supplements, between roller-rinks and carpools, between who I was and who I’ve become.

Growing up in the 80s and 90s felt like something out of a nostalgic movie now. Birthday parties were big, loud, deliciously chaotic potluck affairs. Kids from all over the block—sometimes kids we barely knew—showed up with wrapped gifts, crooked homemade cards, and jelly-stained smiles. No curated Pinterest themes, no party favors that looked like wedding gifts. Just sheet cake, a boom box, laughter that carried down the street, and the absolute thrill of being another year older.

Every year, like clockwork, my friend Molly handed me an ornament. Simple, sweet, and chosen with way more heart than the price tag suggested. I didn’t know then how much those ornaments would come to mean—the tiny milestones of our friendship, tucked safely between the branches of each December.  

And somehow, through moves, marriage, kids, chaos, and the occasional questionable hairstyle, those friendships stuck. Maybe that’s the magic of growing up when we did: our bonds weren’t built on curated feeds or text threads, but on scraped knees, shared bikes, sleepovers, and long afternoons when time felt endless. The kind of friendships that feel like home, even when everything else is shifting.

Now, as I look toward tomorrow's
birthday (49) and toward 50—just one year away—I feel this full-circle moment settling in. I appreciate the little things again: morning coffee in silence, the sound of my kids’ laughter drifting from another room, the way old friends still know exactly who I am, even when I forget a little.

My kids are older now. They need me in different ways—or sometimes, not at all. There’s space again. Space to breathe. Space to wonder who I am outside of “Mom.” Space to rediscover the version of myself that loved to move, to run, to feel strong. I want my fitness back, not because someone says I should, but because I miss the woman who felt connected to her own body. I want to feel like me again—not the 25-year-old version or the pre-kids version, but the wiser, softer, stronger version that 49 (and soon 50) is shaping me into.

So tonight, I’m celebrating quietly. Maybe with a cup of tea, maybe with a glass of wine, definitely with a grateful heart. For the childhood that shaped me, the friends who walked beside me, the ornaments that still hang every Christmas, the kids who made me a mother, and the woman I'm becoming, even now.

Here’s to 49.

And here’s to stepping into 50 with open arms, strong legs, a clearer mind, and a heart full of appreciation for all the little things that were never really little at all.