You never really know how kids will react to certain situations. What happens to their little brains when something major happens in your family. How you leave a situation, how you as an adult enter a situation all helps the Little's figure out their own responses.
I am still dealing with the after affects of my hospitalization with my oldest boy. He is 5 and is my most sensitive child. He worries a little bit. He has empathy for others. Sometimes I wonder if he internalized some feelings about this whole ordeal. The day I left to be admitted, wasn't the most warm and fuzzy situation. I did my best to be calm, cool and collected and give my kids the pieces of information they needed and hold back the specifics so as not to terribly worry.
My oldest son, T, is definitely a home body. He has a sense of family like no other. He would rather stay at home and spend time outside, inside and with us. It is rare that he wants to go somewhere. In fact, we often hear when we are out and about, "I'm ready to go home," or "Mom, I want to go home now." So when I left that evening, he wanted to go to be with me or have me stay at home. You know the clingy, please don't go moments? Well that's what we were having. The unfortunate part was that, I had a timely situation to adhere to and a husband who was super worried and not so poker faced. Who could blame him though? He works in health care and has more information about this type of thing than I did.
I knew my son would be fine, he was in good hands! Papa Jerry and cousin Leilani were here and Grandma was on her way. His brother was here as well even though he did not feel all that good. I knew T would have a good time, I also knew that he would continue to worry and miss me and his daddy.
Love and Logic
Since my return my oldest continues to check on my where abouts, my husbands where abouts and states each morning that he would rather I not go to work but stay at home and take him to school and pick him up. Oh to be a stay at home mom. This pulls on your heart strings a bit. Each day I share the schedule of the day ensuring that it will all happen. I believe in follow through and establishing that trust again that for my son has been a little tarnished. There are times when I think, what if something happens and I can't get home or what have you, I push those personal fears aside and assure T that things are fine and our planned schedule will occur. The more that we do this, the more we communicate our schedules as a family, and the more we are honest (to a point) with him, the less worried he becomes. The transitions in the morning are becoming easier and are close to back to normal. The sleep at night is getting back to "normal" as well.
Ever hear of Love and Logic? Early on in my educational career, our staff were trained in Love and Logic. The goal is to teach children responsible self controlled behavior. It seems like a no brainer. One school that I work with just had the training yesterday! They LOVED it. My son's teacher uses the strategies as well. I am reminded daily on Facebook of a strategy or phrase to use, or concept to revisit. I use this with my own kids. Oddly enough though when you are close to situations, like with your own kids, sometimes your judgement gets clouded. So it is very nice to have the reminders, the training and conversations with my son's teacher so that we are on the same page. This has lessen his internalization of worrisome feelings I believe and has helped us all to process the recent occurrence.
When do you process when you are a mom? Being a mom has many roles attached to it. You are first and foremost a mother, a wife, and all the many other roles that you play on any given day and then you are YOU! I am still processing the information, the fact I had several mini-strokes at a young age, the fact that there is no known cause for the artery dissection and occlusion and most likely won't be, the fear that comes with such a big deal, thoughts of prevention, the many appointments I have had and though they are lessening will continue to have for the next three months or so and finally the next steps, what will happen at that four month marker? Where will I be with next steps? Will it be easier? How realistic should I be? What is realistic for that matter? All of those things. Trying to maintain a sense of normalcy during all of this is trying. The great part about ME is that I am a half glass full kind of gal. I am always upbeat and positive, and have been able to take this situation head on, joking even along the way. Then there are those quiet conversations with my husband at night and myself sometimes during the day where all of those little tiny things come out.
I am goal oriented and love to have a plan in place. So I am functioning within the current plan, knowing that it will morph and change. I am taking control of those things that I can certainly control and making decisions that will support my life, my kids' life and my husband's life. I plan to continue the positivity and support my kids through this process, quite frankly I plan to be around for a long, long time.